So.
My birthday is coming up. SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR THIS.
I love birthdays. I love half birthdays more, but really I just love any kind of birthday (especially birthdays in the future?)
Since my birthday is in 21 days *who is even counting* I was thinking of all the wise things I have learned this year. Now this is not my regular boo-hoo I love my life post that I usually do for my birthday (that one will come up, promise) but I was just thinking about all the weird stuff that I have come to realize.
For example, I am not a coordinated person at all. I think my equilibrium or something is off in my head (plus other things. So funny am I). I am always covered in bruises. So either I am just out of control clumsy or I am in an abusive relationship with some spirit.
Better not be the Holy Ghost.
Mmk, peoples. I have been sitting here not focusing on the task at hand and I really can't think of anything I have learned this year. I am life's greatest student for sure. So how about we just change it to fun tidbit things about me. We all know that I love to talk about me.
1: I love hairspray. I think that I will be one of the main causes for the ozone growth and global warming that will bring the world into a new ice age or something. Seriously though, I love that stuff so much. It is like crack. It is really the only thing I want for my birthday too. That, and possibly Apple Jacks.
2: I don't eat. I just forget to eat. Oh, and I also don't ever buy groceries. Recently I have been eating normally though and it is some intense stuff. I mean, I can't complain but it is sometimes hard work to eat. Now that just sounds like I am trying to rub it in that I don't eat.
3: I have become a cat lady. I love Lucille 2. In fact, I love all cats in the world. God made them all extra special and I want them all to be around me. I am not supposed to disclose this information to the public (for my hope in relationship sake) but I cannot hide it any long. Cats are great. I want everything to be decorated in cats. That and birds. And Lord of the Rings.
4: Since I have moved to Salt Lake, I have only watched the Lord of the Rings twice. That's right, folks. Only twice. What is this world coming to? That doesn't me that I have stopped quoting it constantly and that I don't think of it daily in my life. No, it is still very much in me. It's a special relationship. It is precious to me.
KEEP IT SECRET. KEEP IT SAFE.
5: I have a hard time reading uplifting books. I like really dark or "normal life" books. Who wants to think of happy things, right? Nay, I do read good stuff, but most of my stuff is just....well, kind of awful. Like A Clockwork Orange awful. I kind of stopped though because the words were weird. That right there just showed my intelligence.
6: I now read The New York Times. Why do I read it now? Pretty much just for the crossword. You see, this is what I want to do: I want to dress up really sharp, go to a local coffee shop, and get my Times out while drinking a nice cup of tea. That just screams intelligence and attractiveness. I will become a local to this place and have everyone know who I am. Then, one day, some smart, attractive, liberal doctor who saves African children or something like that will notice that I am there everyday. Upon closer look, he will notice that I am working on Thursdays crossword puzzle. "What a genius!" he will think, and he will note everything I have, including drink. The next day I will go with my Times, wearing my "casual Friday" outfit and my hair ever so wavy, to my little coffee shop. Before I can even order, Shantel, the barista will say, "Chelsea, someone has already ordered your chai for you and he is sitting over there." I will turn to where she points and I will see that gorgeous man with his copy of the Times too! I will try to coolly make my way over there and when I am in front of him, he will ever so casually look up from the paper and say, "Help me figure out what 32 across is."
And that is how I will meet my husband.
7: What a great story you wrote, Chelsea. Maybe you should be a writer. I say to that, well, I have been starting a book! That is only partially true, but in reality (which all of this is....except my doctor lover, of course) I am writing more and I am working on an outline for a book. It is going to be a memoir of sorts, possibly a fiction book based on reality *Think Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar* and it will be on my diagnosis and my recovery. My life has been interesting to say the least and I feel that I have been able to connect with a lot of people from it. So there you go.
8: I love vinyls. I found a cheap cheap CHEAP record player (with an eight track in it!) and became my own because it was just too good to pass up. Since I have had this new love in my life, I took it upon myself to inherit my parents' record. Lemme just state that my parents have the BEST taste in music and I was hooked up with some amazing stuff, ie Led Zeppelin, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Beatles, Donna Summer, America, Simon and Garfunkel, Peter Paul and Mary, Don Henley, Toto, Christopher Cross, FREAKING THE CARPENTERS CHRISTMAS ALBUM, The Police, Michael Jackson, and sooo much more. Pretty much I just lay on my bed and soak up the awesomeness of the tunes.
9: Homeless people make me feel pretty. I love my job because I am always getting compliments that I am gorgeous. Now, I sound like I am reeeeally into myself, but hey, a compliment is always good to hear. My favorite moment though happened when one of my clients came up asking me a question.
Client: "Chelsea, are you married?"
Chelsea aka me: " Nope, not at all."
Client: "Well that is just great because now I can flirt with someone as gorgeous as you!"
Best. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Heard. I laughed; I blushed; I was flattered. Whenever he sees me he is always like, "Oh great, the pretty girl is working today." I just love it.
10: Really though, I love both of my jobs so much. I love going to work. The people are great and my co-workers are awesome. Yes, there are some dull moments, but it never is when I am talking or helping the clients. They are some of the greatest people ever. We just have way too much fun.
11: I can't buy lipstick. Apparently what I think will be a nude color is a neon pink. That was a good laugh.
12: I think that I am one of the funniest people EVER. I am always cracking jokes to myself and laughing. Sometimes this is in front of strangers. Not the best for me to do, but hey, if I think I'm funny, then I am funny.
13: My hair has natural wave in it. I found this out when I was attempting to not get ready. Best find ever! The problem with it though is that I use a million sprays of hairspray (sorry, ozone) and this leads to me having knots upon knots in my hair. I probably only brush my hair once or twice a week. Great but not so great at the same time.
14: I rarely wear "real" clothes anymore. The only time I dress nicely is when I work at UNI. Other days, I just sport the scraggly tee and leggings combo. Oh, and it is always paired with my trusty cardigan. That way, I feel like I am hiding the fact that I am just wearing pajamas in public eye.
15: I am becoming a master at Rummy. I play it probably an hour of my shift at Valley with my clients. I love that game and I can kick some serious butt.
16: I cannot WAIT to be an aunt. I will be the best auntie ever and it will all be so soon. HUZZAH!
17: Sometimes I turn on really cool music in my car and pretend that I am a super spy while running errands.
18: I found out that I am the youngest person at both of my jobs. It was kind of a terrifying realization when I made it, but also an extremely flattering one.
19: I chew my nails way more than I should. For example, I am chewing my nails right now while I am trying to think of three more things that I can come up with so I can end this post.
20: I barely found out that the manager at Wendy's likes my voice so much that he will up size any of my frosties.
21: I started using washcloths?
22: In twenty and a half days, I will be 23.
There is the list. Thank heavens it is over. Let's pretend that this was really entertaining to read. Life is super good right now though; I honestly cannot complain about it at all. Now it is time to pretend that I am working again. Woooooooooohoooooooo.
Cheers
Ch.Wa
