Afternoon Delight

I love my car. She is great. She takes me everywhere and we always have a great time together.

However.

She is not registered right now. She is a fugitive in her own land. We are on the run together, illegally and trying to hid from the pigs. But, as in the words of Tom Petty, I feel like that "You don't have to live like a refugee." So we are working on getting her legal once again.

Two days ago, though, I was on the freeway, feeling the rebellion of our forbidden love. While driving, I saw a silver Volvo that looked like my aunt's. Looking closer at it, I noticed an Essential Preparedness Products. It was then I knew it was my aunt Jenny and I HAD to get her attention. So I got into the carpool lane and drove right up by her until she noticed me. It took awhile, though, so I was stuck in the carpool lane.

Well, a little trooper decided to come into that lane behind me. I was thinking (dude, you can't be in the carpool lane. You are driving solo.) I was also driving solo, but I feel like while having the Holy Ghost with me at all times, I feel that I have my 2 plus riders. So I got out of the lane, he did too, and WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO the lights went on. Great. He got into my window and we chit chatted about my car and how she is going to get fixed. I sweet talked him enough to get a warning. SWEET!

Next day:

Driving up in the good ol' North Ogden. I am driving way under the speed limit and then it happens...WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO. Oh no. I pull over, knowing what it is about. The officer comes in the window and then I notice that it is the notorious Officer Childs. Now, Childs NEVER lets you out of a ticket. Never. So I still try to sweet talk him and BAM! I get a ticket.

Whatever. It won't count on points. Plus, I can probably fight it.

LATER THAT NIGHT:

Driving through Bountiful with a friend, when all of the sudden, a car comes up behind me. I am thinking all "oh hey, this guy is just riding my butt being a jerk," when all of the sudden WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO.

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

I start talking to him, saying that I know what is going on and that I already received a citation. Well, he starts saying, "Well, you are still driving on the road. I mean, you shouldn't be on and blah, blah, blah." Then he starts questioning me making sure that the car is actually under my dad's name. He would not stop. It was horrible. So he went back to his car and BAM! he writes me up. I was livid. Composure was not holding me. I almost flipped out at him. It was horrible.

So I had an angry dance/cry/scream then went to bed. Today, I dropped my car off to trade with my mom (Again, I have the best mom ever. You all can start hating now.) So I super cleaned my girl up, took her to the wash, the works. I get into the parking lot to trade with the mother and I locked the keys in the car.

Seriously?!

Well, I am not freaking out at this point. I always have a spare with me. Uh, yeah, the spare was missing. So I drove home to see if we had one; yeah, we didn't. So yeah, great day with my babe.

So there you go, kiddies. Lesson learned here. Always make sure you have your registration up to date. Now I am off to go to the blessed land of Provo to have my interview for EFY. Woof. Hopefully I don't ruin those kiddies during the summer.

End of rants.

I'm Ron Burgandy. You stay classy, San Diego.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

"What I'm not looking for is some big overgrown monster that is always looking for food"

This is it. This is what I am ready for. No hamsters though, please

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

SuperFreak

Oh hello, again.

It's a new year. In fact

it's the

LAST YEAR OF THIS PLANET'S LIFE!!!!!!!

It's all good though, guys. The Hobbit comes out a few days before it is all supposed to end. I will be a happy girl in oblivion. So take that, you ancient Mayans who believed that we are made out of corn.

I should make resolutions this year *(like, I don't know, maybe blog more)* but really, I am fine with making my mini goals that I always do. I mean, I already tried my resolutions and I failed miserably. Lemme tell you about this.

So my friend was talking about how she is going to work out every day for thirty days. Well, if she does this, then she is going to go to a day spa. Special treat for working your brains out -- no zombie puns, please. Since I usually just adopt what other people do or think are cool, I was like "oh sweet, Kaneez. I think I will do this too."

I lasted one day. Well, technically three days. You see, apparently my body doesn't have any vitamin D or iron in it. We are talking about my D levels are less than 50% of what they should be to be normally functioning. This leads to me being a sloth all day long. Forget about exercising, I am excited if I can drag myself to the restroom (no accidents so far--go me!) or even work. The kids make fun of me all the time--as do the clients--and I just yawn at them and try to sleep. Great defense mechanism it is.

So that is my resolutions for right now. Once I get my body all happy with me, then I will conquer all that there is with Jillian Michaels. OH, she will be the death of me for sure. I did one of her workouts when I was...I don't even know how to describe it....trying to impress my resolution (?) and let me tell you, it was the worst thing ever. First off, I love working out. When I do feel well, I try to be active because it's not too bad and I feel good. Well, I was at Target finding a cooler for a wedding gift, when I came across the "let's be amazing and work out" aisle. I was thinking, "Great, I can get some lime green free weights and feel AWESOME" when I came across the DVD's. Since it it freezing outside and I have horrible balance, it is best for me to stay inside. That saying, I wanted some good vids that I can just crawl out of bed and work out then proceed to crawl back into bed.

That made me sound like a really active person. I also imagined myself as the Grinch when he slithers around the Christmas tree sneaking the presents away. I do turn green and hairy when I work out.

So I am looking at all the videos, when I come across some Jillian Michaels stuff. That woman scares all that is unholy out of me. She makes me a sweet saint when I look at her. She is just terrifying. So I am thinking, "Great, she will scare the fat off of me. All I have to do is look at the case and burn fat." While thinking this though, I did actually look at the case. It is called

GET RIPPED IN 30 DAYS

Woah. Incredible. All I have to do is this workout for four weeks and be ripped just like her. Amazing. Awe inspiring. Worth buying. So I bought it with my cooler and weights. So so pumped to go home and try it out.

Uh, one of the hardest things I have done in a long, long time. Mind you, I really haven't "worked out" in a couple months so this 40 minute video of pure hell killed me. I wanted to die. I might have cried. I honestly don't remember what happened in that time or what even happened after. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move for the next three days. I never new the curve of my lower back could hurt so bad. I thought that was a perfected part of my body but noooo, Jillian proved me wrong there. So for the next few days after doing that video, I moaned and groaned trying to move like an old person. Even my mom made fun of me. It was bad news Bill for sure.

But I promise you all that I will start working out. It is good and it will *hopefully* help my energy level. So I guess it is a fake resolution.

Another resolution of mine is to read 52 books this year. So so so stoked for this one. Probably in the last eight months, I had read at least twenty-five books, so I feel this won't be too bad at all. I am already reading...four books right now. Scratch that, it may be five. So I feel like it will be GREAT.

Now here comes the funny of this post. A few weeks ago, one of my best friends and I were talking (more like me whining) about how I have no dating life whatsoever. I work with junior high kids and my women, I don't know anyone in my ward, and the grocery store creepin' isn't cutting out for me anymore. Well, she decided that we were going to go to her house and set me up an account on a dating site.

Uh, WHAT. THE. CRAP.

For some reason, so many people have told me to go online. I remember quite well when I called my mom about sheets or giving me food or something lame like that when she cut me off and said, "You know, Chelsea, why don't you try online dating?" Terrifying. I told her I would. I tried setting up an account then but I started crying, so I stopped. She isn't the only one though; friends, siblings, psychologists, doctors, children, random strangers, have told me to. I feel like I reek of desperation and loneliness.

Anyways, Steph suggested it to me that day.I was freaking out, but then again, I was bored and I love to write things about myself, so we set me one up. It was the weirdest thing. I still am dumbfounded of the weird things that we got (worst one was ldssingles.com. Yes, we tried a few. But really, who cares if I am temple worthy and how often I want to have some lovin' in a relationship? Creepy, creepy, creepy questions.) So we filled it out and I didn't think anything of it.

Well, not true. I thought about it a lot. I felt like the day when I found out I have an extra spleen in me. Just really weirded out and not comfortable at all. I had to tell people. I called my sister; she was ecstatic. I called my mom; I am sure she prayed thanks that night about it. I told Jeff and Mik...they made me look on the site again. I then realized that this is one of the creepiest things I have done. It's like a zoo of single people and you just look at each other. I am twenty-two, too young for this.

I am going to be twenty-three though. Woof. So honestly, it is just great entertainment to see what people write about themselves. The worst thing though? Winking. I hate winking. It is probably because I cannot wink myself, so I think it is just extra extra creepy. Well, if you are interested in someone, you "wink" at them.

Ugh, creepy. It makes me not want to look at you. And of course, I have some creeps that are doing just that. Well, one day, I was trying to be like "oh hey, I don't like you. Leave me alone." Problem was, I was trying to do this on my phone. So instead of showing my true intention, I accidentally hit "wink back" with my fat thumbs. Yeah, I am getting some emails now. Double woof.

I can't even read the emails, mind you. I have to pay the site to do that. So now I have a million emails and I probably look like I am trying to play hard to get, when really I am just freaked out of my mind.

So there is my dating life for you now. I have accidentally showed interest to some creeps and they are apparently loving it. Please bless I will run into someone while saving their dog or something (this has happened once...the saving part. Nothing happened though except that the dog and I were best friends for ten minutes.) Who knows what will happen though with all my....suitors and Jillian with me. I may just turn into corn.

Those Mayans may be right on everything.

Oh, and one of my clients wants me to be a Broadway star. So really we don't know what will happen to me this year.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.