Friday, August 16, 2013

Best for the Best

Hey, folks.
(or maybe more people read this besides my folks.)
I am writing a generic letter to y'all in the cyber world. I would love to write all of you in my life a personal letter (and I still may do this), but this may be easier for it will get the point across simpler with less postage.
So as you read this post, please imagine it that I have personally sent this post to you, with your name typed on the top.
My friend,
As I am approaching my year anniversary to renewal, I have had a lot of thoughts and feelings going on in my little brain. Some are of fear, some are of hope, but most are of love.
You see, through this experience and the year that has been led from it, I have learned a lot of myself and a lot of people, and it has been the most positive experience yet of my little life. I will start with me, because let's all relish in the fact that I can actually be selfish in a good way.
I am a changed woman.
It really hurts and scares me to think about where I have come from in the past year. To be honest, I still cannot remember a bit of what has happened. The brain is an amazing organ and it's amazing how it realizes how important our survival is and that it allows ourselves to forget things that can be damaging to our existence. But I can say one thing that I have learned from all of this: My body, mind, and spirit are resilient. I am a strong person and so is the shell that vessels that very self. I never knew I had so much drive,and want, for life. Even when I thought I didn't (well, let's be dreary here, I knew I didn't want) to be here, my body and spirit had other thoughts. To this, I have never felt the gratitude that I have like I do now at this point in life.
I will never realize all the pain and worry that I have caused you.
I have never felt grief like I have thinking about what I have brought upon you.
I am so sorry.
The most incredible thing that I have learned from this experience is that the ones you love, and love you, will never leave your side. I am still in awe of all the support you have given me; listening to my fears, lifting up my hopes, sharing my dreams. I cannot believe that you have not left me.
I am trying to find a more poetic way of saying this, but all I can manage to say is this:
Thank you.
Thank you for never leaving my side.
Thank you for having the faith in me that I could not find.
Thank you for showing me how to love and to care.
Thank you for helping me live.
I am alive. I have a body of flesh and bone and I have a spirit that is only mine. Yes, I have had my dark times where I have tried to give up, but I guess there is something more in store for me.
And for that, I am grateful.


Kara said...

Beautiful. It makes me so happy to read this. I am so proud of you Chelsea.Love you.


you have come so far and i am so, so proud of you.
love you lots, chels.