What Sarah Said

It's my birthday is T-minus 3.5 hours. I will be twenty-three. I finally feel old. I think the reasons why I have always thought 23 is old because my mom was married and had a kid with her at that age. Plus, it is just old. It has been fun telling all the clients that today is the last day I will EVER be 22. Now that is a weird thought. My coworker bought me a diet coke while on his break. Best work birthday gift ever. I feel strange right now thinking about the past year. Usually I am really good at writing some upbeat things for my yearly birthday post, but today I am just not feeling it. Life has been...interesting lately and it is hard to just focus on really anything. My birthday month has not been what I have excpected it to be. In fact, everything in general has been just a ride. It has helped me remember that life is always full of surprises. I guess what I am just trying to get to is a point. Something that is definite, sure, and reliable. Something that is exactly what it says it is. I feel that I am floating about, not really ever touching ground. Life feels like a movie, that I am sitting in the balcony of my eyes, watching my life play back to me. I almost can hear the reels going while I am typing this out. It is a dark comedy without the laughs. I know I shouldn't talk like this. And I know that many people will be surprised with how I am writing. I mean, usually my posts are all happy-go-lucky tales of me driving on golf courses at night, or talking my way out of a cop. But I am tired and I am here. What more is there to write than that? But as I just stated before, I am here, so it is the quest of making the present as comfortable as it can be. It has been difficult, but it has been possible. Of course, it has only been possible because of the people that are around me and care for me. I am way too blessed with angels around me. It is awfully humbling to see friends and family stop what they are doing and come to my aide. I have never had a hard time accepting aide than right now. It is something I don't want. I don't want to see that people care, that people love. But I also do not have the choice to deny a person's chance to serve, and serve they have done. It is just incredible to see the love that is in the world. I don't know. I just wish I could have everyone know everything, but that just can't happen. All I know, though, is that I am going to be a year older tomorrow and that opens the doors of change. It is a new year to reinvent myself, to give and take what I want. At midnight, I will become invincible--the world will be in my grasp. It's a new slate, a new beginning; it is a new me.