Joyful Girl

I do it for the joy it brings
Because I'm a joyful girl
Because the world owes me nothing
And we owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least I can do
I do it because I learned it from you
I do it just because I want to
Because I want to

Everything I do is judged
And they mostly get it wrong
But oh well
'Cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged
And the woman who lives there can tell
The truth from the stuff that they say
And she looks me in the eye
And says would you prefer the easy way?
No, well o.k. then
Don't cry

And I wonder if everything I do
I do instead
Of something I want to do more
The question fills my head
I know that there's no grand plan here
This is just the way it goes
And when everything else seems unclear
I guess at least I know

I do it for the joy it brings... 

 I absolutely love this song. Ani DiFranco wrote this song about her mother. When you read the lyrics, you can most definitely tell the kind of woman she was and how well she raised her daughter to see the beauty of the world and to look at the world as a whole   This song always reminds me of my most favorite person. Their birthday is this week, so I wanted to give a shout out to her. This person is the most beautiful person in the entire world. This person is my sister.

  I am so lucky to have Ang as my sister. Even though we have an age difference between us, the years have brought us closer and closer. She really is the most incredible person I know. When I think of Ang, I feel a complete love for her. I feel no jealousy of her because I know that she is teaching me a wonderful path to persue.   We have some great memories: reading Scary Stories to Read in the Dark, having her lock me out of my room to play with my barbies (mind you, she was fifteen when she did this), going to Europe together and all of the...bonding time we had. Probably my favorite story about the trip was she was taking all the money that our mom was sending us so she could buy clothes. I pretty much starved on that trip because we did not buy any food. We also fought a lot. Still, it is one of my favorite memories spending that time together. 

 If you know Ang, you know that she has so many great qualities. She is driven, caring, and always there for anyone. She has helped me through hell and back. She makes me want to be a better person. I just can't even describe how much I love her. My heart feels full and I can't help but smile when I think of her.

  Ang, I love you so much. You are always there for me and I am eternally grateful for that. You have taught me how to be a better person and to strive to better myself each day. Like Ani says, I do it for the joy it brings, because I'm a joyful girl/I do it because it's the least I can do...I do it because I learned it from you. I know you will always be there for me and I hope you know that I will always return the favor and be there for you. You are going to be an excellent mother and I am so excited to see this new chapter in your life. You will never know how much you mean to me. Happy Birthday to the greatest person ever.    

  Cheers Ch.Wa

Famous Blue Raincoat

Yo yo, cyber world.

I have finally become ill. I thought that I could hide from being sick. I mean, all my coworkers have been sick at least once and since I did not contract what they have had, it made me feel like my immune system is invincible.

Boy was I wrong.

You see, I already have a pretty shotty immune system. Last time I was sick, I was extremely ill. I couldn't swallow, I couldn't breathe, and death seemed like a better option than having a sandpaper covered throat.

I never over exaggerate.

Really though, it was pure hell. Thank goodness I had strep because I was able to take the sweet, holy communion of science and those antibiotics worked their magic almost immediately.

So that ill time was in September. Still haunts me to this day.

I guess the symptoms started on Thursday. I started getting that tickling in the throat and I started freaking out. I wasn't freaking out enough to take some vitamin C or anything like that, though. So I tried to shove it off, but I knew the imminent disaster was about to happen.

So Friday, it was getting progressively worse. The sore throat started to happen and an awful cough was developing. Not a normal, "oh hey, I am just a cough." No, it is one that scrapes all your insides and sounds sooooooooo nasty. It hurts so bad.

Saturday was even worse. My throat was getting sorer and sorer. My lymph nodes started to swell and the cough was ripping me apart. Since I was working at UNI, I got to wear a super awesome face mask. Face masks are absolutely disgusting. I already feel like a walking germ when I am sick, but it is more apparent when you hack into the mask and feel all the grossness floating around.

I have turned into an amoeba.

So all this whining has led up to the current situation. Here I am, working at valley with my super awesome and ever so glamorous face mask. My clients keep on asking me what the hell is wrong with me, and I just try to explain that I don't want to get them sick.

*They don't share that concern towards me because I have been coughed and sneezed on way too many time. Gross, gross, gross.

All I want to do is pour wax or something like that down my throat so it is coated in something. I can't yawn, I can't laugh, I can't really even swallow. I have never wished I had strep so much in my life...except for the last time I had it.

Well, I guess that is the super duper up-to-date moment of my life. I guess I can fill y'all in with a nice chit chat of recent events.

My life is extremely boring. All I do is work or never leave my bed. I was talking to my trainer a few weeks ago about calorie intake (eating is an issue with me so I never get enough calories, which leads to me really not seeing results for kicking my ass every day. PS I don't have an eating disorder.) and he mentioned an amount I can have if I lived a sedentary life style. I just looked at him point blank and said, "I already do that because I never leave my bed." He looked back and said, "I already know that, that is why this is perfect for you." We had a jolly good laugh at that, then continued our session so I could go home and curl up under my down.

While in bed, I have found the joy of Netflix. I really have never been a fan of television (except for Degrassi. I love Degrassi more than Lucille 2....only kidding....kind of) and since we didn't know that we had cable, nothing really has gone down with that. But now, all these aimless opportunities of watching tv and movies is like manna to the hebrews. I can't stop watching EVERYTHING.

Biggest find was Breaking Bad. Pretty much love that show. It makes me want to google how to make meth, but I have a pretty good feeling that the government watches things like that. So now, I will never be able to be a chemistry teacher to gets lung cancer and starts making the purest meth on the planet...or something like that.

Boo hoo.

So that is fun. Occasionally I leave my room to be productive with, I don't know, going to work, maybe socializing with people, getting copious amounts of coffee, or going to the gym. Awesome Possum.

So after sitting on this post more and more, I am realizing this is the lamest post I have written yet. So I will write a haiku for you.

Tired of my mask
The germs are touching my face
At least it's not crabs.


I remember a time, a time far away
Where everything was bright and everything gay
But now as I sit, with a mask on my face
All I can want is some relieving grace

Oh viruses, viruses, why treat me this way!?
Can't you just leave instead of delay
your time with me, it hurts oh so much
It hurts in my lungs, it hurts to be touched

So please pass me by, like the angel of death
I'll smear young goat's blood in exchange for clean breath
Just leave me alone, your time is all done
Leave me alone to play with George Washington


Cheers.
Ch.Wa

Hysteric

Hello hello, ye old cyber world!

I love my mini vacas from the blog. False, I actually miss writing on my blog but laziness gets in the way of EVERYTHING so nothing much happens ever.

Seriously, though. I probably have the best relationship with my bed because I never leave it. It is always so good to me and music and cuddle times with Lucille 2 are always strong temptations that are almost impossible to leave.

Maybe I shouldn't give into temptations so easily. Guess that will be a goal in my life.

Goals:
1: Don't be tempted by my bed and lazy times.
2: Brush my hair every day.

Really though, goals are good. I think this is one of the first years where I have actually been keeping my goals/"resolutions" *Note leaving my bed is not a resolution of mine. I would break that in one day.

Ima gonna tell you some stories now about my life because it has been a million months since I have posted anything.

Some holidays have passed. I had the pleasure of working all three major holidays (IE Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve/Christmas, New Years Eve/New Years). I can honestly say that I absolutely loved working each holiday. I am pretty lucky that I absolutely love my jobs. Hell, I don't even really see them as jobs. I get all excited to leave my bed (amazing, I know!) and see my clients. I am learning to recognize good traits about myself, so I think it is good for me to note that I have a knack at genuinely caring about people. I feel true compassion for each of the people that I come in contact with. I don't know, I just receive warm fuzzies thinking about them and trying to better their days.

I have been on a new...awakening in life. I started a new journey to try to figure out who I am and what I want in my life. I have been in a rut for awhile and I am finally feeling better about myself and my situations, so I have been extremely gung-ho about tackling life. So with that in mind, I was able to make a list of what I want to happen in this year.

Goals/Resolutions

1: Read.
    I want to read everything in site. I am going to broaden my horizons and feast on philosophy, science, religion, and broaden my fiction. I want to read uplifting books that make me want to better myself and the ones around me.

2: Breathe
   I want to meditate and practice yoga each day. Waking up with a sun salutation and accepting myself for who I am at that moment is beneficial for my mind and soul. I am trying to practice mindfulness in my daily tasks around me. It has been very difficult, especially with my racing thoughts, but when I am able to accomplish it I feel so refreshed.

3: Respect my Body
    I haven't been that good to myself because...well, things got in the way. Life happens, and with that comes some hard times. I have decided that I am going to treat my body as the sacred vessel that it is. I have started exercising once again, and I love to see how strong I am. I swear I have some intense muscle strength and it is nice to know that I haven't lost that much mass in that area. I have started rowing (in the gym for now) and that is something that I absolutely love. I look forward to see that machine and I almost get giddy getting near it. I feel peace working on it and it helps calm my mind. It is my teenage crush, my puppy love, so to speak.
   I have also been trying to fuel my body with good things. All things that enter myself should be good. I also am starting to actually eat. I have a hard time remembering to eat so working up to planning what I am going to eat has been...an adventure, I guess. Still have a hard time giving up my Diet Coke (nirvana in a can), but that will come shortly.

4: Love
   I have never had a hard time feeling love and compassion for others. The most difficult thing is to accept those feelings from others and myself. I don't know why I have always been this way. Well, I do, but that is just some fun junk that is mine. All I know that this is my year to love freely and openly. I want people to feel that someone at that very moment has someone who cares and loves for them. I also want to be willing to allow people to enter my life.  We are all on this journey together, so we might as well treat ourselves with the love and respect that we deserve.

I know that this is my year. My body is buzzing with happiness and peace. I am ready to accept the things that need to be. Even if that means I have to leave my bed, I will do it.

Hopefully some things can be accomplished there. Permanent cuddle times.

Cheers.
Ch. Wa.

Last Christmas

Oh hello people.

Guess what?

I am blogging again. WHAT THE CRAZINESS.

So I could just give the the normal crap that I usually do when I don't post (IE, I am busy, I am lazy, my cat pooped in my bed, etc.) but I am deciding to buck up and take on ownership for my lack of updating.

Way to be an adult, Chelsea.

So life has been pretty busy. I have been working nonstop for the past month and it has been fantastic. I am *hopefully* going to be FULL TIME at UNI and I will be working Saturday-Wednesday swings. I am loving it here and it is just a great opportunity. I will also be working at least once a week with Valley and lemme tell you about how much my clients love me.

So my sister bestie (IE Chanel) started working at the storefront a month ago. I told her about how much she is going to love the clients and blah blah blah. Well, I went to visit her while she was at work and I went crazy seeing my clients. Seriously, it was like Christmas. I was visiting with all of them, dancing and talking, and I loved it. Well, apparently they have been asking Chanel on her shifts when my next shift will be there.

They love me.

I also went up to do a check to a room. After we had a little dance party, I noticed that he had an open can of beer. After telling him that he is not supposed to have that, we brought out a bottle of wine and told me to have some.

I was flattered, but I declined.

Good job with morals, Chelsea.

Also, I have found Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the first time. Cue me watching it at work with the mates, crying  because it is so damn funny. I watch it before bed. Then I cuddle with Lucille. Then I go to bed.

Uh, after just work, I have been sleeping a lot. All I do is work or sleep. Really am loving the social life right now....

Another story for you kiddies. I was talking to my mom today about how I know what I am getting her for Christmas. Seriously, it is going to be the best Christmas ever. After I teased her about it, she then asked what I want for Christmas. I *jokingly* told her I want a boyfriend.

Cue the seven minute conversation about how she wants me to seriously consider an account on lds singles.

What. The. Hell.

I told her I don't really want one of those guys and that they wouldn't be attracted to me because I am not blonde or a bimbo. She then gave me the lecture of "Oh hey, guys like curves and there are people on there that aren't active too and all this great stuff."

Looks like I know what I am getting for Christmas.

Cheers,
Ch.Wa

What Sarah Said

It's my birthday is T-minus 3.5 hours. I will be twenty-three. I finally feel old. I think the reasons why I have always thought 23 is old because my mom was married and had a kid with her at that age. Plus, it is just old. It has been fun telling all the clients that today is the last day I will EVER be 22. Now that is a weird thought. My coworker bought me a diet coke while on his break. Best work birthday gift ever. I feel strange right now thinking about the past year. Usually I am really good at writing some upbeat things for my yearly birthday post, but today I am just not feeling it. Life has been...interesting lately and it is hard to just focus on really anything. My birthday month has not been what I have excpected it to be. In fact, everything in general has been just a ride. It has helped me remember that life is always full of surprises. I guess what I am just trying to get to is a point. Something that is definite, sure, and reliable. Something that is exactly what it says it is. I feel that I am floating about, not really ever touching ground. Life feels like a movie, that I am sitting in the balcony of my eyes, watching my life play back to me. I almost can hear the reels going while I am typing this out. It is a dark comedy without the laughs. I know I shouldn't talk like this. And I know that many people will be surprised with how I am writing. I mean, usually my posts are all happy-go-lucky tales of me driving on golf courses at night, or talking my way out of a cop. But I am tired and I am here. What more is there to write than that? But as I just stated before, I am here, so it is the quest of making the present as comfortable as it can be. It has been difficult, but it has been possible. Of course, it has only been possible because of the people that are around me and care for me. I am way too blessed with angels around me. It is awfully humbling to see friends and family stop what they are doing and come to my aide. I have never had a hard time accepting aide than right now. It is something I don't want. I don't want to see that people care, that people love. But I also do not have the choice to deny a person's chance to serve, and serve they have done. It is just incredible to see the love that is in the world. I don't know. I just wish I could have everyone know everything, but that just can't happen. All I know, though, is that I am going to be a year older tomorrow and that opens the doors of change. It is a new year to reinvent myself, to give and take what I want. At midnight, I will become invincible--the world will be in my grasp. It's a new slate, a new beginning; it is a new me.

GANGNAM STYLE

Oh hey, let's all notice that the little Asian mom in this video looks just like Nancy. Never knew my mom was THAT good of a dancer Cheers Ch.Wa

Midnight City

So.


My birthday is coming up. SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR THIS.

I love birthdays. I love half birthdays more, but really I just love any kind of birthday (especially birthdays in the future?)

Since my birthday is in 21 days *who is even counting* I was thinking of all the wise things I have learned this year. Now this is not my regular boo-hoo I love my life post that I usually do for my birthday (that one will come up, promise) but I was just thinking about all the weird stuff that I have come to realize.

For example, I am not a coordinated person at all. I think my equilibrium or something is off in my head (plus other things. So funny am I). I am always covered in bruises. So either I am just out of control clumsy or I am in an abusive relationship with some spirit.

Better not be the Holy Ghost.

Mmk, peoples. I have been sitting here not focusing on the task at hand and I really can't think of anything I have learned this year. I am life's greatest student for sure. So how about we just change it to fun tidbit things about me. We all know that I love to talk about me.

1: I love hairspray. I think that I will be one of the main causes for the ozone growth and global warming that will bring the world into a new ice age or something. Seriously though, I love that stuff so much. It is like crack. It is really the only thing I want for my birthday too. That, and possibly Apple Jacks.

2: I don't eat. I just forget to eat. Oh, and I also don't ever buy groceries. Recently I have been eating normally though and it is some intense stuff. I mean, I can't complain but it is sometimes hard work to eat. Now that just sounds like I am trying to rub it in that I don't eat.

3: I have become a cat lady. I love Lucille 2. In fact, I love all cats in the world. God made them all extra special and I want them all to be around me. I am not supposed to disclose this information to the public (for my hope in relationship sake) but I cannot hide it any long. Cats are great. I want everything to be decorated in cats. That and birds. And Lord of the Rings.

4: Since I have moved to Salt Lake, I have only watched the Lord of the Rings twice. That's right, folks. Only twice. What is this world coming to? That doesn't me that I have stopped quoting it constantly and that I don't think of it daily in my life. No, it is still very much in me. It's a special relationship. It is precious to me.

KEEP IT SECRET. KEEP IT SAFE.
5: I have a hard time reading uplifting books. I like really dark or "normal life" books. Who wants to think of happy things, right? Nay, I do read good stuff, but most of my stuff is just....well, kind of awful. Like A Clockwork Orange awful. I kind of stopped though because the words were weird. That right there just showed my intelligence.

6: I now read The New York Times. Why do I read it now? Pretty much just for the crossword. You see, this is what I want to do: I want to dress up really sharp, go to a local coffee shop, and get my Times out while drinking a nice cup of tea. That just screams intelligence and attractiveness. I will become a local to this place and have everyone know who I am. Then, one day, some smart, attractive, liberal doctor who saves African children or something like that will notice that I am there everyday. Upon closer look, he will notice that I am working on Thursdays crossword puzzle. "What a genius!" he will think, and he will note everything I have, including drink. The next day I will go with my Times, wearing my "casual Friday" outfit and my hair ever so wavy, to my little coffee shop. Before I can even order, Shantel, the barista will say, "Chelsea, someone has already ordered your chai for you and he is sitting over there." I will turn to where she points and I will see that gorgeous man with his copy of the Times too! I will try to coolly make my way over there and when I am in front of him, he will ever so casually look up from the paper and say, "Help me figure out what 32 across is."

And that is how I will meet my husband.

7: What a great story you wrote, Chelsea. Maybe you should be a writer. I say to that, well, I have been starting a book! That is only partially true, but in reality (which all of this is....except my doctor lover, of course) I am writing more and I am working on an outline for a book. It is going to be a memoir of sorts, possibly a fiction book based on reality *Think Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar* and it will be on my diagnosis and my recovery. My life has been interesting to say the least and I feel that I have been able to connect with a lot of people from it. So there you go.

8: I love vinyls. I found a cheap cheap CHEAP record player (with an eight track in it!) and became my own because it was just too good to pass up. Since I have had this new love in my life, I took it upon myself to inherit my parents' record. Lemme just state that my parents have the BEST taste in music and I was hooked up with some amazing stuff, ie Led Zeppelin, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Beatles, Donna Summer, America, Simon and Garfunkel, Peter Paul and Mary, Don Henley, Toto, Christopher Cross, FREAKING THE CARPENTERS CHRISTMAS ALBUM, The Police, Michael Jackson, and sooo much more. Pretty much I just lay on my bed and soak up the awesomeness of the tunes.

9: Homeless people make me feel pretty. I love my job because I am always getting compliments that I am gorgeous. Now, I sound like I am reeeeally into myself, but hey, a compliment is always good to hear. My favorite moment though happened when one of my clients came up asking me a question.

Client: "Chelsea, are you married?"
Chelsea aka me: " Nope, not at all."
Client: "Well that is just great because now I can flirt with someone as gorgeous as you!"

Best. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Heard. I laughed; I blushed; I was flattered. Whenever he sees me he is always like, "Oh great, the pretty girl is working today." I just love it.

10: Really though, I love both of my jobs so much. I love going to work. The people are great and my co-workers are awesome. Yes, there are some dull moments, but it never is when I am talking or helping the clients. They are some of the greatest people ever. We just have way too much fun.

11: I can't buy lipstick. Apparently what I think will be a nude color is a neon pink. That was a good laugh.

12: I think that I am one of the funniest people EVER. I am always cracking jokes to myself and laughing. Sometimes this is in front of strangers. Not the best for me to do, but hey, if I think I'm funny, then I am funny.

13: My hair has natural wave in it. I found this out when I was attempting to not get ready. Best find ever! The problem with it though is that I use a million sprays of hairspray (sorry, ozone) and this leads to me having knots upon knots in my hair. I probably only brush my hair once or twice a week. Great but not so great at the same time.

14: I rarely wear "real" clothes anymore. The only time I dress nicely is when I work at UNI. Other days, I just sport the scraggly tee and leggings combo. Oh, and it is always paired with my trusty cardigan. That way, I feel like I am hiding the fact that I am just wearing pajamas in public eye.

15: I am becoming a master at Rummy. I play it probably an hour of my shift at Valley with my clients. I love that game and I can kick some serious butt.

16: I cannot WAIT to be an aunt. I will be the best auntie ever and it will all be so soon. HUZZAH!

17: Sometimes I turn on really cool music in my car and pretend that I am a super spy while running errands.

18: I found out that I am the youngest person at both of my jobs. It was kind of a terrifying realization when I made it, but also an extremely flattering one.

19: I chew my nails way more than I should. For example, I am chewing my nails right now while I am trying to think of three more things that I can come up with so I can end this post.

20: I barely found out that the manager at Wendy's likes my voice so much that he will up size any of my frosties.

21: I started using washcloths?

22: In twenty and a half days, I will be 23.

There is the list. Thank heavens it is over. Let's pretend that this was really entertaining to read. Life is super good right now though; I honestly cannot complain about it at all. Now it is time to pretend that I am working again. Woooooooooohoooooooo.

Cheers
Ch.Wa