Last Christmas

Oh hello people.

Guess what?

I am blogging again. WHAT THE CRAZINESS.

So I could just give the the normal crap that I usually do when I don't post (IE, I am busy, I am lazy, my cat pooped in my bed, etc.) but I am deciding to buck up and take on ownership for my lack of updating.

Way to be an adult, Chelsea.

So life has been pretty busy. I have been working nonstop for the past month and it has been fantastic. I am *hopefully* going to be FULL TIME at UNI and I will be working Saturday-Wednesday swings. I am loving it here and it is just a great opportunity. I will also be working at least once a week with Valley and lemme tell you about how much my clients love me.

So my sister bestie (IE Chanel) started working at the storefront a month ago. I told her about how much she is going to love the clients and blah blah blah. Well, I went to visit her while she was at work and I went crazy seeing my clients. Seriously, it was like Christmas. I was visiting with all of them, dancing and talking, and I loved it. Well, apparently they have been asking Chanel on her shifts when my next shift will be there.

They love me.

I also went up to do a check to a room. After we had a little dance party, I noticed that he had an open can of beer. After telling him that he is not supposed to have that, we brought out a bottle of wine and told me to have some.

I was flattered, but I declined.

Good job with morals, Chelsea.

Also, I have found Mystery Science Theater 3000 for the first time. Cue me watching it at work with the mates, crying  because it is so damn funny. I watch it before bed. Then I cuddle with Lucille. Then I go to bed.

Uh, after just work, I have been sleeping a lot. All I do is work or sleep. Really am loving the social life right now....

Another story for you kiddies. I was talking to my mom today about how I know what I am getting her for Christmas. Seriously, it is going to be the best Christmas ever. After I teased her about it, she then asked what I want for Christmas. I *jokingly* told her I want a boyfriend.

Cue the seven minute conversation about how she wants me to seriously consider an account on lds singles.

What. The. Hell.

I told her I don't really want one of those guys and that they wouldn't be attracted to me because I am not blonde or a bimbo. She then gave me the lecture of "Oh hey, guys like curves and there are people on there that aren't active too and all this great stuff."

Looks like I know what I am getting for Christmas.

Cheers,
Ch.Wa

What Sarah Said

It's my birthday is T-minus 3.5 hours. I will be twenty-three. I finally feel old. I think the reasons why I have always thought 23 is old because my mom was married and had a kid with her at that age. Plus, it is just old. It has been fun telling all the clients that today is the last day I will EVER be 22. Now that is a weird thought. My coworker bought me a diet coke while on his break. Best work birthday gift ever. I feel strange right now thinking about the past year. Usually I am really good at writing some upbeat things for my yearly birthday post, but today I am just not feeling it. Life has been...interesting lately and it is hard to just focus on really anything. My birthday month has not been what I have excpected it to be. In fact, everything in general has been just a ride. It has helped me remember that life is always full of surprises. I guess what I am just trying to get to is a point. Something that is definite, sure, and reliable. Something that is exactly what it says it is. I feel that I am floating about, not really ever touching ground. Life feels like a movie, that I am sitting in the balcony of my eyes, watching my life play back to me. I almost can hear the reels going while I am typing this out. It is a dark comedy without the laughs. I know I shouldn't talk like this. And I know that many people will be surprised with how I am writing. I mean, usually my posts are all happy-go-lucky tales of me driving on golf courses at night, or talking my way out of a cop. But I am tired and I am here. What more is there to write than that? But as I just stated before, I am here, so it is the quest of making the present as comfortable as it can be. It has been difficult, but it has been possible. Of course, it has only been possible because of the people that are around me and care for me. I am way too blessed with angels around me. It is awfully humbling to see friends and family stop what they are doing and come to my aide. I have never had a hard time accepting aide than right now. It is something I don't want. I don't want to see that people care, that people love. But I also do not have the choice to deny a person's chance to serve, and serve they have done. It is just incredible to see the love that is in the world. I don't know. I just wish I could have everyone know everything, but that just can't happen. All I know, though, is that I am going to be a year older tomorrow and that opens the doors of change. It is a new year to reinvent myself, to give and take what I want. At midnight, I will become invincible--the world will be in my grasp. It's a new slate, a new beginning; it is a new me.

GANGNAM STYLE

Oh hey, let's all notice that the little Asian mom in this video looks just like Nancy. Never knew my mom was THAT good of a dancer Cheers Ch.Wa

Midnight City

So.


My birthday is coming up. SO FREAKING EXCITED FOR THIS.

I love birthdays. I love half birthdays more, but really I just love any kind of birthday (especially birthdays in the future?)

Since my birthday is in 21 days *who is even counting* I was thinking of all the wise things I have learned this year. Now this is not my regular boo-hoo I love my life post that I usually do for my birthday (that one will come up, promise) but I was just thinking about all the weird stuff that I have come to realize.

For example, I am not a coordinated person at all. I think my equilibrium or something is off in my head (plus other things. So funny am I). I am always covered in bruises. So either I am just out of control clumsy or I am in an abusive relationship with some spirit.

Better not be the Holy Ghost.

Mmk, peoples. I have been sitting here not focusing on the task at hand and I really can't think of anything I have learned this year. I am life's greatest student for sure. So how about we just change it to fun tidbit things about me. We all know that I love to talk about me.

1: I love hairspray. I think that I will be one of the main causes for the ozone growth and global warming that will bring the world into a new ice age or something. Seriously though, I love that stuff so much. It is like crack. It is really the only thing I want for my birthday too. That, and possibly Apple Jacks.

2: I don't eat. I just forget to eat. Oh, and I also don't ever buy groceries. Recently I have been eating normally though and it is some intense stuff. I mean, I can't complain but it is sometimes hard work to eat. Now that just sounds like I am trying to rub it in that I don't eat.

3: I have become a cat lady. I love Lucille 2. In fact, I love all cats in the world. God made them all extra special and I want them all to be around me. I am not supposed to disclose this information to the public (for my hope in relationship sake) but I cannot hide it any long. Cats are great. I want everything to be decorated in cats. That and birds. And Lord of the Rings.

4: Since I have moved to Salt Lake, I have only watched the Lord of the Rings twice. That's right, folks. Only twice. What is this world coming to? That doesn't me that I have stopped quoting it constantly and that I don't think of it daily in my life. No, it is still very much in me. It's a special relationship. It is precious to me.

KEEP IT SECRET. KEEP IT SAFE.
5: I have a hard time reading uplifting books. I like really dark or "normal life" books. Who wants to think of happy things, right? Nay, I do read good stuff, but most of my stuff is just....well, kind of awful. Like A Clockwork Orange awful. I kind of stopped though because the words were weird. That right there just showed my intelligence.

6: I now read The New York Times. Why do I read it now? Pretty much just for the crossword. You see, this is what I want to do: I want to dress up really sharp, go to a local coffee shop, and get my Times out while drinking a nice cup of tea. That just screams intelligence and attractiveness. I will become a local to this place and have everyone know who I am. Then, one day, some smart, attractive, liberal doctor who saves African children or something like that will notice that I am there everyday. Upon closer look, he will notice that I am working on Thursdays crossword puzzle. "What a genius!" he will think, and he will note everything I have, including drink. The next day I will go with my Times, wearing my "casual Friday" outfit and my hair ever so wavy, to my little coffee shop. Before I can even order, Shantel, the barista will say, "Chelsea, someone has already ordered your chai for you and he is sitting over there." I will turn to where she points and I will see that gorgeous man with his copy of the Times too! I will try to coolly make my way over there and when I am in front of him, he will ever so casually look up from the paper and say, "Help me figure out what 32 across is."

And that is how I will meet my husband.

7: What a great story you wrote, Chelsea. Maybe you should be a writer. I say to that, well, I have been starting a book! That is only partially true, but in reality (which all of this is....except my doctor lover, of course) I am writing more and I am working on an outline for a book. It is going to be a memoir of sorts, possibly a fiction book based on reality *Think Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar* and it will be on my diagnosis and my recovery. My life has been interesting to say the least and I feel that I have been able to connect with a lot of people from it. So there you go.

8: I love vinyls. I found a cheap cheap CHEAP record player (with an eight track in it!) and became my own because it was just too good to pass up. Since I have had this new love in my life, I took it upon myself to inherit my parents' record. Lemme just state that my parents have the BEST taste in music and I was hooked up with some amazing stuff, ie Led Zeppelin, Billy Joel, Elton John, The Beatles, Donna Summer, America, Simon and Garfunkel, Peter Paul and Mary, Don Henley, Toto, Christopher Cross, FREAKING THE CARPENTERS CHRISTMAS ALBUM, The Police, Michael Jackson, and sooo much more. Pretty much I just lay on my bed and soak up the awesomeness of the tunes.

9: Homeless people make me feel pretty. I love my job because I am always getting compliments that I am gorgeous. Now, I sound like I am reeeeally into myself, but hey, a compliment is always good to hear. My favorite moment though happened when one of my clients came up asking me a question.

Client: "Chelsea, are you married?"
Chelsea aka me: " Nope, not at all."
Client: "Well that is just great because now I can flirt with someone as gorgeous as you!"

Best. Thing. I. Have. Ever. Heard. I laughed; I blushed; I was flattered. Whenever he sees me he is always like, "Oh great, the pretty girl is working today." I just love it.

10: Really though, I love both of my jobs so much. I love going to work. The people are great and my co-workers are awesome. Yes, there are some dull moments, but it never is when I am talking or helping the clients. They are some of the greatest people ever. We just have way too much fun.

11: I can't buy lipstick. Apparently what I think will be a nude color is a neon pink. That was a good laugh.

12: I think that I am one of the funniest people EVER. I am always cracking jokes to myself and laughing. Sometimes this is in front of strangers. Not the best for me to do, but hey, if I think I'm funny, then I am funny.

13: My hair has natural wave in it. I found this out when I was attempting to not get ready. Best find ever! The problem with it though is that I use a million sprays of hairspray (sorry, ozone) and this leads to me having knots upon knots in my hair. I probably only brush my hair once or twice a week. Great but not so great at the same time.

14: I rarely wear "real" clothes anymore. The only time I dress nicely is when I work at UNI. Other days, I just sport the scraggly tee and leggings combo. Oh, and it is always paired with my trusty cardigan. That way, I feel like I am hiding the fact that I am just wearing pajamas in public eye.

15: I am becoming a master at Rummy. I play it probably an hour of my shift at Valley with my clients. I love that game and I can kick some serious butt.

16: I cannot WAIT to be an aunt. I will be the best auntie ever and it will all be so soon. HUZZAH!

17: Sometimes I turn on really cool music in my car and pretend that I am a super spy while running errands.

18: I found out that I am the youngest person at both of my jobs. It was kind of a terrifying realization when I made it, but also an extremely flattering one.

19: I chew my nails way more than I should. For example, I am chewing my nails right now while I am trying to think of three more things that I can come up with so I can end this post.

20: I barely found out that the manager at Wendy's likes my voice so much that he will up size any of my frosties.

21: I started using washcloths?

22: In twenty and a half days, I will be 23.

There is the list. Thank heavens it is over. Let's pretend that this was really entertaining to read. Life is super good right now though; I honestly cannot complain about it at all. Now it is time to pretend that I am working again. Woooooooooohoooooooo.

Cheers
Ch.Wa

Lights

Hello all!

I finally figured out why I haven't been able to sign in to blog. It's because I changed my password. I just thought it was because gmail is not allowed on this computer at work.

As you can tell, I am ALWAYS productive at work.

So today is Pioneer Day. Apparently there was a marathon today too. So I left for work, knowing I would be on time (which is a huge feat for me at seven in the morn') and there were detours EVERYWHERE. I really mean everywhere. I had no clue how to get to work and since I was so late already, I decided to grab some diet coke because I am exhausted...like always.

I also bought one for my co-worker for putting up with my tardiness. She was grateful for it.

I just also asked her if she was ok with me posting her in my blog with HIPAA and whatnot. She said that if I didn't say anything like she has a horse face or something. My reply? "Well you aren't Sara Jessica Parker." Below the belt, but hilarious non the less.

I have been reading a lot, which is great. Of course, all my books are about mentally-ill people and just weird stuff like that. Like, I have read The Bell Jar, Shutter Island, The Psychopath Test, and....something else. So I was thinking, "Hey Chelsea, maybe it's time to read something happy or something." That leads me to reading Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. Not my idea of happy, but it is still really good? There also are no crazies, so that is a plus. Just some kid's dad dying in 9/11. Super happy.

While reading it, I came across a really great quote in it. In it, Oskar is visiting an old man and seeing if he knows anything about his dad and this mysterious key...or something like that. So the old guy (who is lonely, I am sure of it. I want to find all the lonely people in the world and give them a cat) was talking and he said this:

"So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds and thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go!"

Yeah, that made me go into a cry fest. Like, ugly cry fest, and I am not an ugly crier. I mean, I was making faces and wailing a bit, snot was everywhere. It was bad.

So work just got in the way. I am tired (three hours of restless sleep will do that to you), but all is well. Remember your pioneer heritage, folks, and have a great holiday!

Cheers.

Ch.Wa



On Your Way

Oooook, people. I just recently read my last post and oh. my. hell. Spelling errors galore. It looked awful. I couldn't even write "please" correctly at the end. So now I will always blog while at work.




Classy and productive, I know.



So this week, I am working seven days in a row. You read that right; I am working every day this week. I might even work more in a row because I don't have my schedule for UNI next week. It is day three right now and I am already exhausted. I mean, don't get me wrong it is all going well. I am still loving Valley Mental (the things that go on...the names I get called. It is AWESOME) and I like working the warm lines here at UNI, but it is all just a lot of work. Plus, I get off of work at eleven tonight and I have to be at work tomorrow at seven.



I am SO excited.



Life is going great, though. I am loving my place, I finally got a bed, and I guess it is all pretty chill. Orientation and all the training for UNI has been a blast, especially the CPI training. In it, I learned how to restrain people and get out of situations that include being bit, punched, choke, and hair pulling. Intense stuff I learned. I turned to the girl that has been through all the training with me and I said "What the hell are we getting ourselves into?!" It was a good laugh, but a nervous one at that. The nice thing is that I will most likely never be in a situation where I will have to deal with those things. No one can really punch through a fun, except in really funny cartoons. Plus, words really don't hurt anymore. I can thank my last job for that. Funny story though. I asked one of my clients to do something and I called him bud. He turned to me and said "Chelsea, I would really appreciate it if you didn't call me bud. I'm not your buddy and you aren't my buddy." Honestly, I am totally ok with that because I really don't want him as my buddy.



So cruel I am.



I love my clients at Valley though. It is great being in a job where the clients are steady and I can build relationships with them. I always tell them that they are all going to give me lung cancer because I go and talk to them while they smoke. They are just cool people.



Uh, other news in my life.......my posture is really great right now. I am ninety-five percent perfect posture right now. It isn't one hundred because my feet are crossed. Woe is me. Lucille is great. Her cold is better and we have cuddle time ALL THE TIME. My roommates made fun of me one night because they heard me say, "Come on, Lucille, it's cuddle time." Yeah, they told their friends that I did that. I wasn't even mad.



I dress like an adult now. Like, I own a million pairs of slacks now. I have to dress up at UNI and I feel like a professional person with an adult job. It is great. Plus, my butt hasn't looked this good before. I've got swag.

I spend my weekends lying in bed watchin Les Miserables. I need friends. Or more cats.

Eddie went missing. He ran away during a thunderstorm. We are all pretty much messes (my mom especially) and I really miss him too. I hope that people are taking care of him and that he will come home. I know this is lame, but pray that he will make it back. He is the best dog and I need my cuddle buddy back.



Uh, I think that is it. I am always forgetting to eat but I drink a lot of water. I wear make up a lot too? This may be the most boring post ever, but at least I am updating.



Right?



Right.



Cheers.

Ch.Wa

Bring Him Home

Oh hey everybody. Look who is updating their blog. I will give you a hint: it's me. A lot has happened since I last blogged about my good tidings. You see, I am finally moved into my new place. I have some great roommates. I mean, they are all normal. I lucked out to the extreme. The place is beautiful, the neighborhood is awesome. And he layout of my room is kick ass. So that is going on. I also have not one but TWO jobs. You see, I have some weird issues of just having one job. It's too...normal for me. And lemme tell you something; my jobs rock me like a hurricane. I am working for Valley Mental Health and the University of Utah's Neuropsychiatric Institute (aka UNI). With VMH, I am working at a home that is just for the homeless population. This has been a great job. Right from the interview, I felt that this is an amazing place. The employees actually care about the clients and want them to be able to live productive lives and help them reach their goals. I absolutely love it there. I love the people I work with, I love the clients already, and I love just having a job. With UNI; it is a dream come true. To me, it is the Mecca of jobs. The establishment is AMAZING and the care the people give is out of this world. You see, it is extremely patient oriented so much that the patiet satisfaction is 96 percent (remember that forty percent of these people have come involuntary.). Incredible. I already love it and feel part of the community that is there. There is a hell of a lot of training and it has all Ben entertaining and a little intimidating, especially the self defense we learned that delt with: hair pulling, choking, biting, punching, kicking, and all other types of behavior. It was...intense and that is an understatement. Why I am so excited about this job though is my job title. I am a peer specialist. Pretty much I get paid to have a me two illness and I am appreciated with what I have. I am the first person the people meet and my job is helping them relax and feel ok with being there. I get to share my recovery story with these folks all day and show them that it will be ok. I get to help break the stigma of mental illness and I get to help these people on their way to recovery and back to life. This has been a huge blessing for me. What I thought was a hinderence in my life is actually a gift that I get to share with others. I am tested with upmost respect and am seen as a crucial person for the center. It has helped me so much in my daily recovery and is a daily reminder that I am ok with what I have. Greatest thing ever. With training and work though I am one. Isy girl. This last week I have worked over fifth hours. Going from not working for the past two month to this has been a it overwhelming. I have. Den sick from the stress and have a nice cry every night. I know it will get better once I get the routine. Oh! I also got a cat! She is the most precious thing on earth. She is an old maid and I love her. She looks just like Liza and do her name is Lucille 2 from Arrested Development. She has helped me with the loneliness I am feeling and we have cuddle time all the time. Either is pretty much it. I am loong life like always and I am so grateful for all the good that is happening to me. God boss you all and I will *try* to update more. Cheers Ch. Wa. Pathos has been written on the phone. Ignore all spelling errors pleas.

Baby's Romance

Oh hellos to you all in "Ye Olde Cyber World." Write now (great pun, Chelsea) I am in the library typing away. Lemme share with you how many people are on computer games right now. I almost had to wait some time before I could use one to aimlessly surf the web myself.

How dare they.

Really though, I had to do some "important" stuff. You see, I GOT A JOB!

That's right, folks. You read that right. I, Chelsea Waterfall, am going to be employed ever so soon once again. I couldn't be happier. To make the deal even sweeter, it is the place that I wanted to work for the most! So I am a quite a happy girl right now. I am almost as happy as a clam.

*Side note* I don't imagine clams to be that happy. Whenever I think of clams, I think of their cousins, the oyster, and how they get sand all up in their biznazze and make a pearl out of it. Sounds awful.

There you go. I have meant to update about my life, but I don't have a "library card" for said "city" of "Salt Lake City." I have been living in the great Salt Lake....City for the past three weeks with some amazing friends. You see, one of my very good friends and her hubby have let me crash at their place while I find housing and an occupation. Literal angels on Earth. They have been waaaay too good to me, even in our little sarcastic word battles (which I fail at miserably. Kara has a sword for a tongue.) It has been super great living in the city.

Speaking of living in the city, I have also found a place to live! It is with roomies and it is right by Liberty Park. Right when I walked into the place for the grand tour, I felt like I was at home. Even Stephanie was super jealous of my new crib and new housemates. Hell, I think I will even be okay with having roommates (the idea still terrifies me, but I hope I can manage it.) I should be moving in this week *fingers crossed* and then it is party time, excellent.

Whoo whoo whoo whoo.

Thanks, Wayne and Garth for teaching me the ways.

So life is going really well right now. I even rode the "big rides" at Lagoon the other time. It was the scariest moment of my life. I am amazed that I did not soil myself. A lot of people got a good laugh at it so I guess that s alright....

Sure.

No, but life is going super great, like I said. A lot of good is happening and a lot of blessings have come my way. I am being treated way too well for my life. I love it.

Cheers.
Ch.Wa.

Just a Song Before I Go

Oh hey, World. I have some big news.

I am HOMELESS.

Mother is going to be furious about this...

Ok, so I really am not homeless, but I did move out of my dwelling in Bountiful. Which adds to more news...

I am JOBLESS

Bring on the calls, Mother...

Well, I ended my job with Davis Behavioral Health. With me ending said job, I had to move out. Sometimes, even with a mental illness, you don't get to live with the rest of the crazies.

Rats. (not really)

So yeah, I ended my job. I have been thinking about this for awhile (since my first week at the job...woof) and a year at a highly demanding job like that is amazing. Incredible. Almost impossible.

Well, I defied impossible once again. Go me. No, but some crappy crap was going on at work and then they decided to make the place coed and when they said that, I put on my panama hat and headed out the door. Problem was, I totally forgot that my parents were moving out of their place and there was no room in their inn for this virgin (immaculate, I know).

Shoot.

(Currently, Cami is sitting by me reading this while I type and she just told me "I really wish that I wasn't reading this right now and laughing because then I won't be able to laugh at it tomorrow during class." I am a fun crusher sometimes, for sure.)

So. I was about to be homeless. Imagine this, if you will. Chelsea, high stressed and highly emotional, thinking about THE FUTURE. Scary thing to imagine. Scarier thing to go through. Thoughts of adult responsibilities ran through my mind. 

--I have to pay rent.

--I have to find a job that will help me pay rent.

--I have to have a baby.

--I really don't have to have said baby, but thinking about it terrifies me. 

--I try to find a date so I can marry and have said baby.

Woe. Is. Me.

P.S., I hate "dating" or whatever the hell that term means. Damn Match still isn't cutting out. None of you get to see me on a commercial any time soon. *single tear* ---Pun definitely intended.

Back to being an adult.

It was a scary moment thinking about it. I don't want to be homeless. I would have to prostitute myself with Lord of the Rings or something (body wise, I wouldn't be the best choice for a prostitute. Double woof. However, LOTR-wise, I would be rolling in the Benjamin's with Smeagol or somethin' like that. Big Pimpin' in Mordor. Hobbit style.)

Please ignore that little snigit *combination of snitch and golden nugget* of grossness. But really, the idea of being homeless was horrible. I would stink. And I guess other stuff too. The point is, it would be a horrible experience and all I would grow from it is a butch hair cut and a barbed-wire tattoo on my arm. So I was freaking out and contacting everyone I know to tell them that I wouldn't have a home, hoping people would offer a place. Sneaky, I know. 

And it worked! Really, I have some amazing friends. My sweet, incredible, amazing, gorgeous, almost social worker (sorry, Cami, it's not you) Kara and her amazing hubby offered me a place with them. Miracle on 34th street for sure. So I will be their practice child for a month. 

I will make them never want to have kids. 

But, really, it has been pretty rough with thinking about moving. I mean, it is super exciting. I will get a new job, meet new people (not from Match...duh) and just have some great new experiences. It is scarier than Hell though. In fact, if I do go to Hell, I am sure it will be an eternal struggle of thinking I am going to be homeless and job hunting. 

Double Woof.

Plus, I am going to miss my ladies. 

That job has been rough. It has been miserable at times. I remember the first month, I would have my weekly breakdowns on Sundays. It was glorious. False, it was terrible. But I made it through and then the job was actually, well, quite enjoyable. I learned a lot about myself ( like, that I really should never be a manager or an RA ever again) and I learned a lot about other people, good and bad. 

I love my ladies. One of them came in and chitchatted with me while I finished my packing and it was great. We talked about Lord of the Rings (no brainer) and just some good ol' times. She was one of the toughest clients at the house, but it was just great to just sit and talk with her. She told me about her life and gave me some great grains of wisdom. One of the best things that she said to me was this: "Chelsea, you are going to make it though this and you are going to be happy. You will get a job, you will have friends, and you are going to be great to everyone around you. I know you have made a dent in my life and you are going to continue that wherever you go."

Wow. I started bawling and she told me to stop because those are just wasted tears. It has been great talking to them. They have helped me learn more about me and...tooting my own horn here...but of all the good that I can provide for others. When I was telling my favorite client about me moving, *we all have favorites, so shut up. I know I am one of Craig's top three. I may have also made him say that* She was like, "Chelsea, if you leave, I will die." After her saying that, I was like, "Well, if you say something like that again, we will have to make a trip to the hospital."

I am reeeeally funny.

But she then said, "No, I am serious. I will not live there if you aren't there. You make the place comfortable."

Again, I started crying. Boob, I am. I mean, comfortable is not a word to be used lightly, in my opinion. When something, or someone, is comfortable, it is the best thing in the world. I automatically think of my bed, Diet Coke, and Return of the King (again, why won't guys realize how awesome I am?* So to be considered comfortable is the highest honor. 

I hope I don't sound like bragging. I think I really just need to write good things about myself so I can feel good about the situation, you know? Maybe if I read these things and remember them, then I will believe them. Trying some psych right now. 

Really, though, let's get to the point. I truly care about these women. It has been the hardest job ever, but working with these women, I have learned that I really do like them. We have had some great times together. Whether it is me making them push me in the cart at Wal*Mart or watching When Harry Met Sally, it has been full of laughs. We would dance, we would sing, we would laugh, and we would even cry. They are great people. 

I really am going to miss them and the job. It is sad leaving people and worrying about who will come and take care of them next. I guess I am a little protective over them, but really, they deserve the best care and I hope they get it. 

Anyways, after bawling my eyes out all day there, I went to my other job and bawled my eyes out there. May have accidentally dropped a tear or two in front of the kiddies. BONUS FOR ME THOUGH. It totally made them shut up and be on the greatest behavior ever in tutoring. It is sad with that job too, though, because program is ending next week. My kiddies are going off to summer break and I won't get to see them.

I love my kids. I adore them. Oh my gosh, they are horrible sometimes, but they are the best things in my life. 

So there you go. Chelsea is stressed, tired, and thirsty. But as my lady said, 

Chelsea is going to be happy again.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa

Belfast

Today is Mother's Day. Right now, my mother is telling me that I shouldn't be driving home tonight because I could hit an animal.

Gosh, I am so glad she is my mom. 

 My mom is seriously the most beautiful woman that I have ever known. She has always been so stylish and always looks good. I like to blame it on my mom that I can never really go out in public looking like trash. Pajama bottoms and no bra while going to the store?

Doesn't happen. Ever.

You see, though, Nancy just always looks good. She has poise and she has grace. She is so feminine and carries herself as a woman quite well.

 Some of my favorite things about my mom are...well, a lot. I feel like since I am the youngest child, I have an extra special relationship with Nimmer. I remember being a kid in our old house and having her serve me breakfast in her and my dad's bed in the morning while I would watch "Sleeping Beauty." She had/has spoiled me rotten. In fact, I love hearing the stories about how I was such a mama's girl that I would sit in the corner of dance classes and cry because she wasn't with me. I also got out of many piano teachers because I knew how to work her.

But really, here are some special moments that remind me of her.

• Elton John/Simon and Garfunkel. My mom is great with music. Her taste is incredible. But these two artists are what really stand out with her. I remember listening to Scarbarough Field while riding with her to Maddox when I was a little girl. That song was magical to me. I probably (and maybe secretly still do) thought that it was such a romantic song and that I would get married in the woods with my first grade boyfriend and it would sound just like that song. Nerdy, I know, but it is great. I also love how she loves Elton John. He was her first concert, (was only five bucks or something to see him) and she still loves him to this day. Whenever I want to think about my mom, I just put "Belfast" on the pod, and think of our good drives to that song. 
• Dancing. My mom is a horrible dancer. I am a horrible dancer. So when we dance...well, we dance. It is terrifying but oh, so much fun. Her classic move is the "camel dance", which is just awful. Ang and I still try to master that dance but she is the only tamer of that one. 
• The Graduate/When Harry Met Sally/The Way We Were/any sappy romantic movie. My mom loves a good romance movie and whenever I need a good "woman time" movie, I always ask for her advice. I love watching her favorite movies so I can share that with her. I still remember when I stole The Way We Were from her. It was the first month of me moving into the house and I was a wreck. So I was thinking, Oh hey, Bah-bra knows how to make someone feel good. Well, I was wrong. I called her up after bawling and talking about how great that movie was. She really does know some good stuff.
• Also, she told me that Edward Scissorhands is a funny movie. I called her after watching it, bawling hysterically and telling her she lied about it being funny and her response was, "Well, when he grooms the dogs it was hilarious." Yeah, that part was only five minutes. Horrible.
• My mom remembers every outfit she wore on the first day of school. It is great hearing her talk about her amazing memory (she can remember things like that but not my name? Awesome.) I also love listening to music with her and how she can say things like, "I remember I was in Sixth grade when I got this vinyl and I was wearing such-and-such outfit and someone threw a snake at me." 
• Adding to that, she is amazing telling stories. I want her to write down all her childhood memories so I can share them with my kids.
• My mom loves El Matador. Hell, she really loves gross mexican food. Sometimes, when I come home on Sundays expecting dinner, I find out that dinner really is just chips and salsa from Javiers. Not the greatest moment, but hey, it is a nice snack

I really do have the most amazing mom. I swell up with pride whenever anyone says that I am just like her or that I look like her. She is tougher than nails but is still so gentle. I really do see her as my best friend. I loved it when I lived in New York that we would call each other every morning to talk about how our days are going to go. I love how she hates The Lord of the Rings. I love how she will call me three times in a row and when I call her back, she will tell me, "Oh hey, I have to call you right back." Annoying as hell, but she never lets me down with that. I love how much she loves my siblings and me. I love how she loves my friends and the people I care about most in my life. I love that she loves our dog more than us kids sometimes. I love her cooking. I love that she reads. I love having her there for me always. I love walking with her in the mountains. I love her when she is nice and I love her when she is annoyed at me. I love that I call her Nimmer. 

But most of all, I love that I get to call her mom. 

I hope that I get the chance to be the amazing type of mom that you have been to me. Thank you for all the wonderful things that you have done for me. I thank God every day that I have you as my mother. 

bees

So.

Lemme just start by playing the blame game with why I don't EVER post on here. The latest blame of it all? I don't have a computer.

It is unbearably almost IMPOSSIBLE to post on a phone. Also, the job stopped sending internet services to the house, so I cannot use the office there. So since I don't have a pooter for my pleasure, I have to wait until I go to my parents to "help" pack up the crap that is in the house and pretend that I alone am the holder of the Mac and the endless wifi.

Amazing.

I may or may not be listening to Sarah McLachlan while writing this. There is a fine line between what I label as "mom music" and "lesbian music". She crosses waaay too much. But hey, she reminds me of the sister, so what can I do? Also, Ang loves the lesbo artists, which is strange, but great at the same time.

So I guess it is story time. I will start with my most painful one. There I was, at the after school program, pretending that I know how to garden for a class. Well, I left the most important thing at my house (the seeds) so I just made the kiddies go outside in the sun so I could try to get some sort of vitamin D in my body. Well, I decided to sit in the grass when it felt like I was sitting in a patch of stinging nettle. Seriously, my butt has not been in that much pain since I was hit by the leprechaun last St. Patty's Day. I couldn't find where it came from, until I moved over a bit.

In the grass, I found a bee.

Yes, a bee was able to sting my butt through two layers of clothing. What the crap.

So I hobbled into the school to figure out what to do. I told the secretary that I was stung and I didn't know what to do. Also, at this point, I was crying. Go me. So she helped make me some weird mixture of baking soda and water so I could put the paste on my derriere to suck out....the evil of bees out of me. Worst experience ever. Just don't try to imagine me crying in the bathroom trying to put paste on my butt. Then one of the kids was like, "Why don't you call your mom, Miss Waterfall?" That made me bawl because I realized that
A: I have never been stung before
B: No one can help me right now because, oh I was just stung on my butt
C: You are never too old for mom's wisdom of what to do when things happen
D: I still need my mom for emotional times like this.
E: All of the above

I called the Nimmer, she told me to put mud on it (yeah right) then go to the ER immediately if my throat closed up. Awesome.

I survived that.

White Fur

Story time.

I have been dying to tell EVERYONE I KNOW about this story. One of the creepiest moments of my life for sure.

Now I know you are all dying from the suspense. I am sure a few of you are crying and at least one of you are shouting at the computer "WHY OH WHY, CHELSEA, WILL YOU NOT TELL US THE STORY ALREADY?!" To actually tell the story though, I need to start with another story.

This week has been...intense, to say the least. Pretty much I have worked nonstop and really haven't had a break from either job. The busiest day was Wednesday. One of my clients had to have surgery, so I was to spend the day at the hospital with her. The previous day before this (that means Tuesday) everyone was just out of control and I even had to pull out the "mom voice." Lemme tell you about how terrifying my mom voice is. It is so scary that even I shut up after using it. I had to use it on my clients and no one talked for the rest of the night. So pretty much, I didn't sleep at all before surgery. So, with only a handful of sleep hours in me, I headed up to the hospital with the lady. She checked in, was wheeled away, and then I started freaking out. I think the reason why I was freaking out so much was

A: Dorothy has no family to help out whatsoever, so I kept on thinking about how horrible it would be to be all alone with horrible medical things like this

B: Surgery in general. Duh.

C: There was a freaking child in a cage that was being wheeled into the OR. It looked like it was part of a zoo exhibit and it was about to be tortured. That really screwed with me. I then went into anxiety mode and was thinking "I can never have kids" just because of the scrazy cage/gurney thing. Horrible.

So surgery took about two hours, then it was off to her room and nap and just chill with her while she was in recovery mode. Well, I spent a good 14 hours there with her and then I realized that there are seven other women that might need my attention. So I sadly left her at the hospital and went home to where "fun times" were happening.

Fortunately for me, fun times ended before I got there. Unfortunately, two other women were feeling extremely ill, so we made the trip to the ER. Grossest ER experience of my life. Near the end, there was a lady who was hacking up the nastiest sounds ever imagined. When I get tired and don't sleep well, I become nauseous. In fact, I am usually just nauseous all the time. It's just weird. Well, I was pale the whole time and then I almost lost it completely when one of the people accompanying the lady there shouted, "NO I DON'T WANT TO SEE BLOOD IN YOUR VOMIT RIGHT NOW." I quietly ran out of the ER and waited for the ladies to finish up.

Anyways, this week has just been eventful. That being said, I have been stressed like no other. I have not been eating well (crazy bread for any occasion is not the smartest idea I have had) and all my muscles are sore, sore, sore. So I went to visit my aunt and mother at the ADA convention...thing, and there were free foot massages at one of the booths. I was thinking, "Oh hey, my feet aren't too gross today. I might as well get one." Well, I get the creep in the wheelchair and my friend gets the gorgeous Tongan guy. So the poor guy is making me almost cry because he decides to massage my lower calves which are tighter than no other, and we try to have some convo about the essential oils that they were selling. So there I am, with my foot being rubbed and whatnot, and I am saying how I had no clue oils can help with any ailment. He then says this

"Yeah, they can help with muscle pain, clear up acne, and forgive me if this is too forward, can help with sexual mood and pleasure."

What. The. Hell.

Then he keeps on going about how wine and rose petals are great, but there are just some great smells and how he recommends this one called "White Fur" and is trying to find it for me to smell. Mind you, he is still touching my feet and it is on his thigh and whatnot and all I want to do is kick him away and run.

But I was too comfortable to leave, so I just waited until my time was over. However, I would not look him in the eye for the rest of the time.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

Oh hello there. Happy V day To you lovers out there. I will admit, today has been a pretty fantastic day so far. Lemme tell you ALL about it (because, this is my blog and I can talk about anything I want...or what my grandparents will find agreeable. So no obscene stories today.)

First off, work is crazy right now. What with a full moon last week, everyone has just been out of control. That, and I am preeeetty positive that everyone was PMSing to the extreme. Woof. It is getting much better now, though, even though some people insist that they need to buy a gallon of milk a day. I don't even have a gallon of milk. It's like, share the love of the milk. No one does though.

Oh, woe is me there.

No, but life is going well. One of the clients insists on waking up at four thirty in the morn' and turn on the tele which is right by my bedroom wall. Needless to say, I am so so tired.

So today is valentines. I have actually been looking forward to it this year, which is a little strange to Cold Heart Chelsea, but I just cannot resist making valentines cards. I mean, I love writing cards as it is and with the opportunity for me to bring the cheese monster out I have been all over this. He kids are getting sick of making cards, though. Bummer, for sure.

So today, to celebrate the day of love, I found some GREAT Lord of the Rings and Star Wars cards and have been sending them like crazy. I woke up at a Godforsaken hour, fell asleep in a meeting, and did some awesome paperwork. Did some dancing in the car (this is most definitely the month of George Michael) and was denied to donate blood until Thursday. So now I am using and abusing he wifi at Barnes and Noble and trying not to get too distracted by some lady teasing about how some quiche having 38 grams of fat and some awesome book on the wildlife of Star Wars. I am definite dating material, for sure.

I have been thinking a lot lately (like that is something new) and I have been thinking of all the good people I have in my life. You see, you don't need a lover to celebrate today; just think of all he love that you have from everyone around you! My awesome family, my incredible friends, even the kiddies and the women send me love. I love getting to think about how many good people are in my life and that they want to be in it. Life is just great right now. Olive (fancy way of saying I love) the person I am becoming and even though life is tiring and halfway miserable, I am still for sure enjoying the ride.

So to all of you out there, I send you a most sincere happy valentines day. Thank you for all of you for being wonderful people in this crazy world. Keep up the wonderful job and I hope that you will feel some love come your way.

Now I have to look at that Star Wars book. Hopefully there is an illustrated copy of some lord of the Rings.....so precioussssssssss.

Cheers

Ch.Wa.

Rocks

Oh hey, guess what.

I went to New York. This happened, like, a million weeks ago. I was going to tell the world, but

A) I totally forgot about it until five days before we were leaving

and

B) I never update my blog on time. EVER.

So this is a nice treatsy for all of your eyes to see. Maybe you will even hear my sultry voice in your head (nice try, Waterfall. We all know you sound like a prepubescent boy.)

So my mom and I left on the 25Th of January to the city of dreams. I may be officially changing its slogan to that. Anywho, we left, we flew, we hit a ton of turbulence, and then we landed. Now, this was probably my...ninth time to the city of dreams, so I was just super excited for a low key trip. Well, it was low key but a hella good time too.

You see, my mom's best friend (and one of my fake mothers) was in New York the same time we were. So we all met up. Dana is seriously one of the most HILARIOUS people on this planet. I mean, what honest twenty-three year old would willingly spend their day with some pre-geriatric women in the city?

This twenty-three year old that has two thumbs would. And Did. And horribly ruined a joke.

**Sidenote, I was going to update some photos, but apparently my computer does not want to work. There will be some soon.

So some highlights from New York.

• Watching the Bachelor and giving commentary. Great time.
• Eating so much food. Coming from really only eating cheese cracker and peanut butter (you all can mock now, but it is delicious), to my mom buying food, it was HEAVEN. Pure heaven, I tell you.
• Seeing my amazing sister every day. I love that woman so much. From talking, to watching Portlandia, we had way too much fun. She even shared her food willingly.
• Going to The Lion King. Awesome costumes, awesome music, and just pure awesome...ness.
• Spending every day with my mom and Dana. Those two ladies know how to have a good time.

Yeah, horrible update for now, but I may promise to update more fully soon. With Pictures. And warm fuzzies.

Also, you get a nice picture of me with a valentine attached to this post. I am not smarter than the computer right now (let alone a fifth grader) so this will just be attached to tell you that it is February. Mazel Tov.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

Afternoon Delight

I love my car. She is great. She takes me everywhere and we always have a great time together.

However.

She is not registered right now. She is a fugitive in her own land. We are on the run together, illegally and trying to hid from the pigs. But, as in the words of Tom Petty, I feel like that "You don't have to live like a refugee." So we are working on getting her legal once again.

Two days ago, though, I was on the freeway, feeling the rebellion of our forbidden love. While driving, I saw a silver Volvo that looked like my aunt's. Looking closer at it, I noticed an Essential Preparedness Products. It was then I knew it was my aunt Jenny and I HAD to get her attention. So I got into the carpool lane and drove right up by her until she noticed me. It took awhile, though, so I was stuck in the carpool lane.

Well, a little trooper decided to come into that lane behind me. I was thinking (dude, you can't be in the carpool lane. You are driving solo.) I was also driving solo, but I feel like while having the Holy Ghost with me at all times, I feel that I have my 2 plus riders. So I got out of the lane, he did too, and WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO the lights went on. Great. He got into my window and we chit chatted about my car and how she is going to get fixed. I sweet talked him enough to get a warning. SWEET!

Next day:

Driving up in the good ol' North Ogden. I am driving way under the speed limit and then it happens...WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO. Oh no. I pull over, knowing what it is about. The officer comes in the window and then I notice that it is the notorious Officer Childs. Now, Childs NEVER lets you out of a ticket. Never. So I still try to sweet talk him and BAM! I get a ticket.

Whatever. It won't count on points. Plus, I can probably fight it.

LATER THAT NIGHT:

Driving through Bountiful with a friend, when all of the sudden, a car comes up behind me. I am thinking all "oh hey, this guy is just riding my butt being a jerk," when all of the sudden WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO.

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

I start talking to him, saying that I know what is going on and that I already received a citation. Well, he starts saying, "Well, you are still driving on the road. I mean, you shouldn't be on and blah, blah, blah." Then he starts questioning me making sure that the car is actually under my dad's name. He would not stop. It was horrible. So he went back to his car and BAM! he writes me up. I was livid. Composure was not holding me. I almost flipped out at him. It was horrible.

So I had an angry dance/cry/scream then went to bed. Today, I dropped my car off to trade with my mom (Again, I have the best mom ever. You all can start hating now.) So I super cleaned my girl up, took her to the wash, the works. I get into the parking lot to trade with the mother and I locked the keys in the car.

Seriously?!

Well, I am not freaking out at this point. I always have a spare with me. Uh, yeah, the spare was missing. So I drove home to see if we had one; yeah, we didn't. So yeah, great day with my babe.

So there you go, kiddies. Lesson learned here. Always make sure you have your registration up to date. Now I am off to go to the blessed land of Provo to have my interview for EFY. Woof. Hopefully I don't ruin those kiddies during the summer.

End of rants.

I'm Ron Burgandy. You stay classy, San Diego.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

"What I'm not looking for is some big overgrown monster that is always looking for food"

This is it. This is what I am ready for. No hamsters though, please

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.

SuperFreak

Oh hello, again.

It's a new year. In fact

it's the

LAST YEAR OF THIS PLANET'S LIFE!!!!!!!

It's all good though, guys. The Hobbit comes out a few days before it is all supposed to end. I will be a happy girl in oblivion. So take that, you ancient Mayans who believed that we are made out of corn.

I should make resolutions this year *(like, I don't know, maybe blog more)* but really, I am fine with making my mini goals that I always do. I mean, I already tried my resolutions and I failed miserably. Lemme tell you about this.

So my friend was talking about how she is going to work out every day for thirty days. Well, if she does this, then she is going to go to a day spa. Special treat for working your brains out -- no zombie puns, please. Since I usually just adopt what other people do or think are cool, I was like "oh sweet, Kaneez. I think I will do this too."

I lasted one day. Well, technically three days. You see, apparently my body doesn't have any vitamin D or iron in it. We are talking about my D levels are less than 50% of what they should be to be normally functioning. This leads to me being a sloth all day long. Forget about exercising, I am excited if I can drag myself to the restroom (no accidents so far--go me!) or even work. The kids make fun of me all the time--as do the clients--and I just yawn at them and try to sleep. Great defense mechanism it is.

So that is my resolutions for right now. Once I get my body all happy with me, then I will conquer all that there is with Jillian Michaels. OH, she will be the death of me for sure. I did one of her workouts when I was...I don't even know how to describe it....trying to impress my resolution (?) and let me tell you, it was the worst thing ever. First off, I love working out. When I do feel well, I try to be active because it's not too bad and I feel good. Well, I was at Target finding a cooler for a wedding gift, when I came across the "let's be amazing and work out" aisle. I was thinking, "Great, I can get some lime green free weights and feel AWESOME" when I came across the DVD's. Since it it freezing outside and I have horrible balance, it is best for me to stay inside. That saying, I wanted some good vids that I can just crawl out of bed and work out then proceed to crawl back into bed.

That made me sound like a really active person. I also imagined myself as the Grinch when he slithers around the Christmas tree sneaking the presents away. I do turn green and hairy when I work out.

So I am looking at all the videos, when I come across some Jillian Michaels stuff. That woman scares all that is unholy out of me. She makes me a sweet saint when I look at her. She is just terrifying. So I am thinking, "Great, she will scare the fat off of me. All I have to do is look at the case and burn fat." While thinking this though, I did actually look at the case. It is called

GET RIPPED IN 30 DAYS

Woah. Incredible. All I have to do is this workout for four weeks and be ripped just like her. Amazing. Awe inspiring. Worth buying. So I bought it with my cooler and weights. So so pumped to go home and try it out.

Uh, one of the hardest things I have done in a long, long time. Mind you, I really haven't "worked out" in a couple months so this 40 minute video of pure hell killed me. I wanted to die. I might have cried. I honestly don't remember what happened in that time or what even happened after. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move for the next three days. I never new the curve of my lower back could hurt so bad. I thought that was a perfected part of my body but noooo, Jillian proved me wrong there. So for the next few days after doing that video, I moaned and groaned trying to move like an old person. Even my mom made fun of me. It was bad news Bill for sure.

But I promise you all that I will start working out. It is good and it will *hopefully* help my energy level. So I guess it is a fake resolution.

Another resolution of mine is to read 52 books this year. So so so stoked for this one. Probably in the last eight months, I had read at least twenty-five books, so I feel this won't be too bad at all. I am already reading...four books right now. Scratch that, it may be five. So I feel like it will be GREAT.

Now here comes the funny of this post. A few weeks ago, one of my best friends and I were talking (more like me whining) about how I have no dating life whatsoever. I work with junior high kids and my women, I don't know anyone in my ward, and the grocery store creepin' isn't cutting out for me anymore. Well, she decided that we were going to go to her house and set me up an account on a dating site.

Uh, WHAT. THE. CRAP.

For some reason, so many people have told me to go online. I remember quite well when I called my mom about sheets or giving me food or something lame like that when she cut me off and said, "You know, Chelsea, why don't you try online dating?" Terrifying. I told her I would. I tried setting up an account then but I started crying, so I stopped. She isn't the only one though; friends, siblings, psychologists, doctors, children, random strangers, have told me to. I feel like I reek of desperation and loneliness.

Anyways, Steph suggested it to me that day.I was freaking out, but then again, I was bored and I love to write things about myself, so we set me one up. It was the weirdest thing. I still am dumbfounded of the weird things that we got (worst one was ldssingles.com. Yes, we tried a few. But really, who cares if I am temple worthy and how often I want to have some lovin' in a relationship? Creepy, creepy, creepy questions.) So we filled it out and I didn't think anything of it.

Well, not true. I thought about it a lot. I felt like the day when I found out I have an extra spleen in me. Just really weirded out and not comfortable at all. I had to tell people. I called my sister; she was ecstatic. I called my mom; I am sure she prayed thanks that night about it. I told Jeff and Mik...they made me look on the site again. I then realized that this is one of the creepiest things I have done. It's like a zoo of single people and you just look at each other. I am twenty-two, too young for this.

I am going to be twenty-three though. Woof. So honestly, it is just great entertainment to see what people write about themselves. The worst thing though? Winking. I hate winking. It is probably because I cannot wink myself, so I think it is just extra extra creepy. Well, if you are interested in someone, you "wink" at them.

Ugh, creepy. It makes me not want to look at you. And of course, I have some creeps that are doing just that. Well, one day, I was trying to be like "oh hey, I don't like you. Leave me alone." Problem was, I was trying to do this on my phone. So instead of showing my true intention, I accidentally hit "wink back" with my fat thumbs. Yeah, I am getting some emails now. Double woof.

I can't even read the emails, mind you. I have to pay the site to do that. So now I have a million emails and I probably look like I am trying to play hard to get, when really I am just freaked out of my mind.

So there is my dating life for you now. I have accidentally showed interest to some creeps and they are apparently loving it. Please bless I will run into someone while saving their dog or something (this has happened once...the saving part. Nothing happened though except that the dog and I were best friends for ten minutes.) Who knows what will happen though with all my....suitors and Jillian with me. I may just turn into corn.

Those Mayans may be right on everything.

Oh, and one of my clients wants me to be a Broadway star. So really we don't know what will happen to me this year.

Cheers.

Ch.Wa.